Nice shirt.
Oh! 8 of the semi-finalists are performing tonight as well as Blake Shelton and Maroon 5. And we're off to elimination. This is a surprisingly chipper pace.
Team Cee Lo eliminations are first. He says it's a very "sensitive moment" for him. The most votes went to Vicci Martinez. I like her sass. Well done, America. Oh. I zoned out for that entire deliberation, but Cee Lo chooses Nakia. I'll miss you Curtis, and your sleazy ways.
Team Adam eliminations are next. Javier Colon got the most votes, so he's staying around. WHO ELSE WILL STAY? I actually like all of Adam's team. Adam says "fiber of my being." Is this testimony meeting? HE CHOOSES CASEY WESTON! Aww. I'm so glad. I think Jeff will go places now that he's had some exposure. Casey's a kind of random contestant, so I'm excited for her.
What the crimpy french roll is on Christina's head? Whatever, Frenchie is first, and Christina chooses "Like a Prayer" for her to sing. Good choice. Best Madonna song ever? And if someone who can actually sing in a gospel way sings, it will be delightful.
Frenchie's Performance: Gospel choir surrounding her. Fabulous. The tempo is faster, and it sounds like a Cher circa "Believe" remix. Failure. Frenchie is a good singer, but this arrangement is kind of boring. Tacky breakdown at the end.
Judges Critiques: Cee Lo: "That's my soul sister." Adam: "I love you." Blake: something overly complimentary. Christina: talking about how much effort that performance. Fine. She was good, but that song was boring.
Nakia is going to see Adam Lambert's "Whataya Want From Me." At least Cee Lo chooses random songs that aren't overdone. Nakia is having a moment with the lyrics of the song. Tender.
Nakia's Performance: Playing the piano in a white suit: classy. Awww, yeah, the band kicks in. Stone cold sunglasses look on Cee Lo's face. Nakia starts working the stage. I'll say this, it's probably more enjoyable than Adam Lambert's rendition.
Judges Critiques: Adam has the exact same critique as I do. We are soulmates. Blake: "Freakin' award show performance." Christina: loved it. Cee Lo: Team spirit! Nakia's going to be a star!
Commercial break thoughts: The results show tomorrow is totally going to cut into my So You Think You Can Dance viewing. I just had a resurgence of my SYTYCD obsession. Oh well. They're making us watch the same 20 dancers dance again. Although they're going to kick off 4! of the dancers on Thursday. Oh my!
Dia is next and will be singing "Losing My Religion." Coach Blake says "Whippin' (kickin'?) some A." Dia going to make the band clap hands during the chorus while she's playing guitar.
Dia's Performance: When did this over-articulating each word singing style come into fashion (especially "r"s)? Anyway, she sounds good. So do those hand claps. Again, if you're going to cover a song, at least make it interesting (take note, Christina).
Judges Critiques: Christina: She's grown so much on the show. True words. Cee Lo: Likes that Blake let Dia see her ~vision~. Adam: "Atypical choice." He's a fan. Blake: A girl stood on the stage and left her heart on the stage. He says, "Gosh damn." (side note: What is with the wind machine on Dia?)
Casey Weston is next and will be singing "I Will Always Love You." At least Adam is advising her to not sing like Whitney Houston. No kidding. If you must sing like someone, Dolly Parton is always a better choice.
Casey's Performance: The wind machine is at it again. Aww, and Casey is more Dolly than Whitney. Good for her. The simple piano and violin accompaniment is lovely. Beautifully and simply done.
Judges Critiques: Blake: she blows her away every week, also she is hot. Adam: blah blah blah, they battle. Their arguments pay off.
Can I mention that I'm so glad no one hams up when their phone number is flashed on the screen, using their fingers to show us the number? WTF is that?
Maroon 5 is performing their knew song "Moves Like Jagger." This is sounding disco-licious. Also, is this the sort of person Ke$ha was singing about. Gross, Christina is singing now. Her voice is like the banana of music. There's no way to ignore that she's singing, her voice annoyingly permeates everything, much like bananas combined with anything. Good thing she has more cleavage right now. More questions: did Mick Jagger have that impressive of moves?
Beverly McClellan is next. Christina chooses "The Thrill is Gone." Does everyone play an instrument in this competition? Bev's rocking the piano right now. Christina is modelling a terrible way to squawk through the song.
Beverly's Performance: Beverly sounds pretty good, but she's getting too showy. I'm sorry. But some of these singers pull out all of the stops immediately and remove all sense of building any anticipation. Still, at least it's not millennial Cher.
note: Carson Daly is still awkward.
Judges Critiques: Cee Lo: loves her, loves how many people are musicians on the show. It's true--how cool that these people have skills. Christina: Loves Bev's bluesy, soulful side.
Javier Colon is next and talking about how terrible the music industry is. OH. "Fix You." By Coldplay. Adam's preaching melody fidelity. I just made up that phrase.
Javier's Performance: You guys, this is reminding me that I don't hate this song. It's so damn cheesy, but Javier's killing it. He's got a beautiful high range. Well done, sir. And Team Adam 4ever.
Judges Critiques: Christina: Liked it, but wanting to see a more ~soulful side. Cee Lo: Name dropping. Complimentary gibberish. Adam: blah blah blah, Javier's hat is off. Best voices he's ever heard ever. Truth.
I'm ignoring the twitter shenanigans happening right now. Now Blake Shelton is performing "Honeybee." I think I've actually heard this song on the radio. Probably when I've been flipping stations when the classic rock station is playing Rush. Seriously, Seattle? What is with so much Rush on the radio? Anyway, adorable song, adorable man, and a honeycomb motif in the background. Cute! Dia and Xenia just joined him on stage. How precious is Team Blake?
SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA TOMORROW NIGHT? Ahem. Xenia is up next. She's singing "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by Script. Is this a band I should know about? Inspirational coaching about how awesome Xenia is.
Xenia's Performance: I love her smooth little voice, and she's getting so confident. Good for her. Adam: ~uniqueness. Sleep song, but she sounded great. Christina: Xenia's maturity. Blake is a Papa Bear. One of her favorites. Cee Lo: Likes how "quaint" and "unaffected" she is by the competition. Blake: Wants to hear Xenia's voice on the radio.
Xenia's face when she was forced to hug Carson Daly was priceless.
Good news, Love in the Wild starts next week.
Vicci Martinez is going to sing "Dog Days are Over." Apparently it means to live your truth. Tender moments about her dad. Cee Lo says she wants to be healed.
Vicci's Performance: Oh snap! She's percussioning! She's giving it all she's got, unfortunately, Florence Welch from Florence + the Machine has such a distinctive and perfect voice, I can't quite get into it. It really is a song that's more about the voice than the melody, so it doesn't translate well to such an unpolished voice.
Judges Critiques: Adam: She killed it, amazing, dynamo, he loves drums. Blake: Most powerful performance of the night. That's pretty true. Christina: Great performance, loved it. Cee Lo: something about a warrior spirit and dancing to a different drummer.
The judges have to divide 100 points between their two people which will have an equal weight to America's votes. I have to give the producers this: each week is different.
Final thoughts: Anyway, I'll be pulling for Team Adam and Team Blake. I know only 1 from each will make it, but I can dream. And apparently they cap votes to 10x. So, you know, calm down. Carson is collecting envelopes from the coaches. Good night and I'll see you tomorrow.
Nobody fucking cares about this bullshit.
ReplyDeleteYou have a sad pathetic and lonely life.